Baby Number 5!

On December 27, 2013 we welcomed our new little addition into the family, baby GIRL! number 5! Yes, baby is a girl although ALL signs pointed towards her being a boy! This pregnancy has been 150% different than all of my other pregnancies. For starters, the morning sickness was horrid! I've had morning sickness (that I thought was bad) with my last pregnancies but none of it compared to what I had with my little Beanie Baby here. I was sick to my stomach 24/7 and most of the time I was throwing up.... Throwing up so much that I about put a hole into my stomach and was throwing up a ton of blood every day (tmi right?!). I was sick my whole pregnancy! The last trimester I wasn't throwing up daily but sick to my stomach all day every day. That was one major thing that made think BOY! but I couldn't have been more wrong. Really, now that I think of it, I think that was the one main thing that was different... The other things could just be because I have several other kids at home and I'm just tired and forgetful as it is. My pregnancy was pretty uneventful this time around. No million trips to the hospital due to contractions, no thinning cervix, no real issues until the end. I started seeing the Maternal Fetal Medicine doc every 2 weeks at around 18 weeks until I was 28ish weeks pregnant, I was on progesterone injections that Chris gave to me weekly at 20 weeks until I was 36 weeks, like I said, pretty uneventful. On the night I hit 34 weeks, I started feeling really light headed, dizzy, having contractions and just feeling way "blah" and "not right". I called Chris and told him to come home, that I needed to go to the hospital and luckily he was already on his way home. When I got to the hospital they took my vitals and my blood pressure was a bit high, nothing too bad but enough to be concerned about. They checked me and I was a tight 1cm dilated but not effaced and baby was pretty high up still. Because of my high BP they checked my urine for proteins and sure enough that came back positive. There weren't a ton of proteins present but again enough to be a bit concerned with. Luckily my blood work didn't show any signs of pre-eclampsia. I was contracting every 3-5 minutes by now, the contractions were officially regular when they hadn't been even close to it beforehand. They tried to stop my contractions with nifedipine but the med didn't do a thing the stop the contractions and they said that I was in labor and at 34 weeks and a high bp and spilling proteins that it may be safer for both baby and I for her to be born and that they weren't going to stop the labor if I kept progressing. At this time I was 1.5cm, about 60% effaced and baby was at a -2 station so quite a change from the time before. About an hour-ish later they checked me again and I was a tight 2cm, 70% effaced and baby was still a -2 station. This is where I stayed although my contractions continued. They sent me home with a 24 hour urine catch to check for pre-eclampsia and that was pretty much it. (The urine came back that I had a mild case of pre-e) Although I was still contracting every 3-5 minutes I wasn't dilating anymore so they kind of just let me stay in that limbo which totally SUCKS but I knew it was best for baby! Christmas came and Christmas Eve I was baking TONS of cookies with the girls and decorating them and baking pies and crap. Basically on my feet for a few hours without a break (yeah I know, shame on me!)Christmas day was pretty much the same, on my feet all day cooking and cleaning up wrapping papers and trash and toys. That night I was having some painful contractions so I tried to keep them going because I was 36 weeks the next day and I got the ok to try anything to get baby out the day I hit 36 weeks! The contractions got less and less intense though and so I went to bed. Didn't really sleep a wink that night because I was so uncomfortable and the next day tried to take a nap (which failed). I got up out of bed and felt a leak and so I kind of hurried to the bathroom and right as I was sitting down my water completely broke. I called Chris in and told him to call my grandparents, call the hospital and tell them we are coming, and I got in the shower! That was about 1pm. We got to the hospital and walked for what seemed like forever and my contractions weren't picking up or dilating me any so they started me on pitocin to get everything going. They considered me in active labor and I was in labor for a little over 3 hours before about a push and a half at 2:50am delivered my 6lb 7oz, 18in baby girl! So after a long rambly post I'm excited to introduce my little MAKENNA MARIE!

It's Been a Minute.... And a Half!

Wow! It has been quite a long while since I've updated my blog! I didn't just stop for no reason at all, I got busy with life! Right after my last post Chris and I found a house! We were going to do a year lease on the place and then do a rent to own! This house was beautiful! Two stories, front yard and huge fenced back yard with grape vines and a play set for the kids... Two living rooms, one gorgeous updated stainless steel kitchen, five bedrooms and three bathrooms.. This house was more than we could have dreamed for! We decided to still get married but cut a lot out of the wedding... I changed my dress and shoes last minute, the venue turned into our church, we made our cake, we never sent out the invitations, just invited a few close family... I mean we really cut down this wedding....We still got married on November 10th but it was not at all what I wanted. All so we could put money into moving and the house. Well, that's when our nightmare started! This house turned out to be not as updated as we had expected. The ONLY heating source downstairs was one small gas fire place and the two older girls slept down there and froze so we had to turn the fire place way up, all the time. And we had cracked one pane old windows in the basement! They promised to get them fixed and never did. The gas bill was through the roof! The electricity was horribly wired and went out in half of the house and took over a month to get fixed. That was hell, extension cords were everywhere, bathroom lights didn't work so we had to put extension cords and lamps in the bathrooms... It was bad. Well then water started backing up through the floor in the laundry room and the city couldn't figure out why, plumbers couldn't figure out why... Just water every few days, EVERYWHERE! They had done the remodeling themselves to save money and well.... They didn't do a good job AT ALL. The hardwood flooring the kitchen started coming undone, not one thing was fixed right in the house... The calking around all the sinks and tubs and what not went to hell... It was just BAD! I could go on forever the issues! Our rent was way higher than this house was worth and with our bills being high because of the water and gas issues well it just wasn't worth it. We decided to break our lease and move. Thankfully the landlord found new renters and we got most of our security deposit back and were able to break the lease with no penalties. Thank God we left when we did! Two days after we moved, we went to get our last load in the Uhaul and the basement was FLOODED! I mean inches of water through the WHOLE basement...... All coming from the window that would have been right over my computer desk and all of my Scentsy work stuff AND living room furniture and electronics! Thankfully all this stuff was gone by this time... Two days later and we would have lost thousand and thousands in furniture and electronics! Well it turns out that the landlords didn't get their sprinklers blown out even though they said they did and it was in the contract that we didn't have to do anything with the sprinklers until spring/summer. I guess they "thought" the previous tenants blew them out but they didn't make sure and of course they didn't. And with the pipes freezing and unfreezing and then snow melting and weather changing like crazy, well they blew and flooded right into those cracked single pane windows! It looks like God was definitely watching out for us! We did lose a few hundred dollars in some of my work stuff and some smaller furniture and baby stuff and we tried to get it out of the landlord since it was THEIR fault... Negligence on THEIR part... We decided $500 wasn't worth it to take them to court and so we cut our loses before things got ugly. Well now we are in our new place and doing great... Have been here since February 1st. It's a three bedroom basement apartment with two bathrooms. I like it but I wish we could move soon. There is no lease agreement because the house is for sale but the owner is asking too much for it (400K) and won't go lower so we sit here until we have to move. All of our utilities are included in the rent which is great! But it is small still..... Over 2,000sq feet but the rooms are tiny, except for our room which is actually a livingroom. The landlord didn't say that he was considering the livingroom a bedroom. And well at least I will try to relax for awhile!

Invitation Choices and Theme

This by far has been one of my hardest choices of the wedding. I had no idea the them I wanted let alone an invitation design, color, font, etc. I looked at hundreds (literally) of different wedding colors and themes and finally decided that I want the Winter theme. But I couldn't decide on my colors.... And the fact that my wedding was in Fall and not Winter, I didn't know if Winter was even a good idea! So I came up with the idea of "Fall into Winter"! My thought process on this is my wedding is in the Fall but it will be "falling" into Winter. At first I was thinking that I was going to do the ceremony in a Fall theme.... Totally Fall colors and leaves and then the reception was going to "fall" into Winter... It was going to be totally Winter themed. After thinking about this for awhile and playing around with colors I decided that was a bit too confusing for people to understand. I picked my favorite of the four colors I had chosen and decided the the "fall" part of my wedding will be snowflakes.... That's what they do, they fall. So my theme is now still "Fall into Winter" but it is based around snowflakes. After I had chosen the light blue and the snowflakes I googled, I Etsy searched and I found a design I finally loved.... It was a tree with snowflakes falling. Perfect! So here are the examples of my design (none of my info is on them [Except name and date}, these are purely the examples of which they created and are part of my "proofs") and the creator actually has their own url which is http://www.whimsicalprints.com/

We are so happy with the design and think they are perfect for my theme! My next post is going to be about my bouquet and flower choices! Although this will be done later as I have a fussy bug baby to deal with!

Shoes and Clutch

These are the shoes and clutch that I have picked out to match my wedding dress. When I actually receive my wedding dress and have it in front of me and I know the true lace color, I am going to order the shoes and clutch because they will be custom made to match my gown. They are from an Etsy maker called tlccreationsuk. Hope you enjoy them as much as I do, I am very happy to share them with you!

My next post will be the invitations and theme that I have chosen for my wedding!

My Wedding Dress!

I have been slacking on posting my wedding stuff.... I have picked out tons of things and have many ordered but I haven't shared any on here. I have one Facebook, but I have never blogged about them. So I am going to share everything we have so far. I am doing this in different blog posts so they can be found easily and classified and I can make sure I get everything, don't forget anything, and I can not have one HUGE post that jumps around from item to item, category to category, and to keep my own sanity!

My first post is going to be on my favorite thing of all.... My wedding dress! I have not ordered yet because I haven't gone and got my measurements done yet. Measurements are happening this week, ordering my dress hopefully next week. My dress is coming from a trusted (and used before) dress maker in China! Her name is Alice and I am so in love with her many different styles of dresses. She speaks very good English so we haven't had any communication problems and she even ships dresses to the US for free! All I have to do is pay her for the materials and her time. Materials in China are a lot cheaper than they are in the US so I am getting my dress at a fraction of the price that I would from having one made here. As I said, she is trusted and I have used her before! She makes dresses for weddings, proms, and other formals. It was already decided that whatever design my dress may be, SHE will be making it. Hands down! She is also amazing at getting measurements correct and if for some reason I was to get measured incorrectly or something is wrong, even on my part, I ship the dress back to her (which isn't that expensive) and she will fix it for free and pay to have it shipped back again to me. I looked at her dresses for hours, different designs on google, and actually fell in love with a dress that she already has already designed and has a sample made on her Etsy site. So here is my dream wedding dress, and I'm not paying a fortune for it!

In my next post I am going to show you the shoes and clutch I am planning on buying to match my dress. They are from a shop on Etsy and although I have never used them before they have amazing reviews. The shoes and the clutch together are actually more than my wedding dress! But, this is my one little splurges and I figured since I am save sooo much on my dress that I can get the shoes, the clutch, and the dress all at a price I could get a "cheap" wedding dress in the US!

Wedding Binder!

Ok I'm totally failing on the blog challenge so I'm going to stop at least until the wedding is over.... But fear not I still have to post about my wedding and babies and all sorts of other mommy crap! I took pictures of my (literally) 10lb. wedding binder and I'm posting them because this is one thing I can actually be proud of (besides my kiddos!). I found awesome budget worksheets and every paper and literally everything I need at

http://www.russellandhazel.com/content/wedding-templates

I labeled my binder with simple dividers and only needed one pack of eight. I bought several packs of protections sheets, one pack of business card holder pages, and a calendar insert. If you don't want to purchase a calendar insert you can print them free at:

http://www.vertex42.com/ExcelTemplates/excel-calendar-template.html

The have tons of different colors too!

*Budget

*Calendar

*Guests

*Honeymoon

*Registry

*Stationary

*Venders

*Wedding Party

Then I labeled the vendors section with sticky note tabs on clear plastic protector sheets.

*Bride & Groom Attire

*Cake

*Caterer/Food

*Flowers

*Music

*Photography

*Venue/Officiate

The pictures aren't in order.... I uploaded them in order but blogger decided where they thought they needed to go. SO the order is as I have listed above.

So as you can see this damn binder is really a 10lb binder! I have all of the wedding template sheets (there are 57) and I have been using photoshop to put together pictures of my dress and what not on one page so I don't use too much ink. I also have lined paper in each section to make notes. This thing is stuffed to the max! I'll write another blog on all of my other wedding choices as I go along but I hope that this helps some bride out there!

Days 5-8... I'm a total failure but I swear I have a good reason!

I know my domain should be failboat.com but cut me some slack, I'm a mom with four kids (girls I might add), planning a wedding, and looking for a house! I have a lot on my plate! So I will do a little catch up with that before my 5-8 ;)

I've been doing a TON of wedding planning the last few days... Picked out a venue to do the ceremony AND reception, put together a whole wedding binder (pics to come), ordered a sample of our (late) save the dates, and even ordered our ring bearer pillow! I feel like I have been busy non stop on the wedding stuff alone.

We've been doing a ton of house hunting too! Just something to rent right now though. So today we went up and set up a bank account for Chris and his work so they could do direct deposit and we could start saving not only for a wedding but to purchase a house. Then we went and looked at a cute 3 bedroom 2 bathroom 2 story home that we absolutely loved! It's a little over our price range for the monthly rent price but I think we can swing it if we budget and save. Everything was new and redone! Stainless steel appliances and brand new carpet, paint, bathrooms. GORGEOUS! We filled out the rental application and will find out tomorrow if we got the place. I am SO excited! I'm also very excited to be ordering brand new living room and bedroom furniture and when we get the place (or a place anyways) I can finally do that!

Okay, now my 5-8!!!! Day 5 - Post a picture of something or someone that made your day special. This one is so easy! My girls! My girls make every day special and so worth all the bs in life!

Day 6 - If you could spend 15 minutes with any celebrity who would it be and why? Oh gosh I hate this. I don't really like celebrities... I mean I don't think I'd really want to spend 15 minutes with one. I know I'm a nut but it's true. But if I had to pick anyone I'd pick Elizabeth Banks. I think she's an amazing actress, she's gorgeous, funny, and a great mom.

Day 7 - If you could live in any time period of the past, when would it be and why? I would so live in the 50s, or is it the 60s? The Grease era! Everything seemed so amazing then.... Everything was less expensive, times were easier, things were simpler. I think if things stayed that way things would be so different now. I sit and watch Grease sometimes and just get lost in that timezone. I wish so bad that I could go back to that timezone, just for a day.

Day 8 - How do you envision your life being in 5 years? That's so easy! I picture myself living in a nice house with 5 kids, being able to make a great life for them and having a beautiful house for my husband to come home to every night. I'd love to be done with school by then but since I haven't even start I don't know if that will be possible. I want to be a supermom and not be well off but be comfortable and not have to worry.

Days 3 and 4 - Catch up time as I'm already a slacker!

Day 3 - What was the last movie you saw in theaters? Gosh the movie theater... Oh how I miss being able to see a movie while enjoying a bucket of popcorn, milk duds, a nice cola and of course the feet on the back of my seat. No but seriously, I would kill to see a movie! The last movie I was and please do not fall off your chair laughing was Cars 2 when it came out in theaters. It was actually Chris's and I date night that we had to take the kids on so we saw Cars 2. Sophie was only about 5 months old and she didn't cry once which was nice. Chey sat really good and enjoyed the whole thing! All in all it was a nice "date". Day 4 - If you could rid the world of one thing, what could it be? That's a tough one. There are so many things I'd like to rid this world of and my ex husband is at the top of the list. But in all fairness that would only really rid me of him so I will go to the next option down.... Poverty. There is so much poverty in the world and it just breaks my heart. No one has to be rich or even well off, I just want us all to be able to survive and healthy. Know that we will have food in their stomach's and clothes on their backs.... Know that there aren't children dying of starvation every day while others sit there and throw out food by the gallons. I love love to know that everyone, every little boy, every little girl doesn't go to sleep hungry and cold on the streets each night while trying to use a cardboard box as mat to lay on. I want these children to be able to have proper schooling and jobs when they grow up and have families. It's just sad that this can't happen. It's even worse to see that there are tons of people out there who don't give a crap and just turn their backs.

Day 2 - Advice for a Newborn

The second day blog challenge is "If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?" This one is a hard one for me because I could offer a lot more than just one piece of advice. If I had to choose I think it would be that you can't control everything. There are many things out there that you can't control and you just have to let them come and accept them. Once you actually realize that things are going to happen whether you like it or not, then you can move forward more easily. This is only I am still struggling with on a daily basis. I am a control freak! I like everything to be planned and I want to be the one in control. When something doesn't go the way I picture it in my head I lose it. I need to know what, when , where , how and why. I never every little detail planned out to a T or I seriously feel like I might lose it. Of course that is not how life is. It is not that easy! Things don't go as planned, plans break, people change their minds, and shit happens. You can't control every situation and you'd be much better off if you just take everything one day (or even one hour!) at a time and not try to control everything. My husband's cousin reminded me this the other day when I was having a panic attack and letting my mind wander. I put way too much into everything and it is so overwhelming that I just break down sometimes and think to myself "I can't do this!". Then I had this reminder that I can't control every situation and shit is going to happen and there are no if's and's or but's about it. Once I accept that, then I can move on. Sure enough, I took a deep breath, stopped thinking about my unplanned, uncontrolled future and just started taking things one day at a time. The world is NOT going to end, I WILL survive, and everything WILL be ok!

Blog Challenge!

So I'm doing it. I'm starting the blog challenge! It's a 30 day blogging challenge where I blog every day about different things. I'm a little late, I know but hey better late than never right?! So the first day is "Write your goals for the month." I have several key goals that I'd like to accomplish this month not only for me and my sanity for my husband and kids' sanity too. The first is to find a house. We live in a small town, but my husband's work is great! We have been having issues finding a house that is A) Big enough; we need at least 3 bedrooms, no less. B) Is close to Chris's grandparent's house and/or work and C) It needs to have an air conditioner and a dishwasher. This right now is our top goal because let's face it, I've been on my own since I was 16 and this whole living with Chris's grandparents and being babied thing is not going for me. I don't like asking for help, I don't like feeling like I'm a moocher, I'm independent and dammit I need my own house so I can do my own thing and not be worried about stepping on everyone's toes. A second goal for this month is to get the girls on Medicaid. I think we are JUST under that margin where they qualify for health insurance and Maddy still hasn't had her 4 month check up and shots! I'm sure she's just fine, growing fine, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. A third (and final) goal is to get my family on a schedule. We are so screwed up it's not even funny! Well I think Chris and I are more screwed up schedule wise than anyone else. The girls pretty much have a set schedule, Maddy is starting to get on one a bit. But things will definitely run much smoother if we were all on a schedule. I only have three goals for the month because it's not good to have so many goals that they can't all be completed right? Maybe once I get everything in order I can have more monthly goals but for now, for me, these seem like key goals to a very functionally and happy mama!

I'm Alive! I Think Anyways...

You know the moms that you look at and say to yourself "I'm NEVER going to be like her!"? Come on, you know the ones. The ones who notice the little smear of baby poop on their sheets and are too tired to even worry about it so they just put a receiving blanket down (if that) and just fall on the bed.... The ones who just plop their boobs out to feed the baby in front of their grandfather because their modesty is so past gone by now... The ones who are so tired that they never leave the house because it's honestly too much effort and if the DO leave the house (BIG if!) they don't even remember to comb their hair let alone put makeup on. They may leave about $100 worth of merchandise in a sack still on the carousel thingy at Walmart because they honestly don't even remember to put it in the cart. Well.. That's me! That's what I have become! I swore to myself I would never become this way, I was "better" than that. Now I honestly don't know if I feel more like a 24 hour diner or an utter cow (get it, udder cow? haha yes I know, I've lost it) I don't know what day it is anymore as they all smush together, days and nights are totally mixed up. But I'm alive.... Barely.... I think. A life with 4 children under 5 is hard work! Especially when one of them has her days and nights mixed up and keeps me up all night until the sun comes up and the other children are awake not even 2 hours later. Things are hard, but I think they MAY be getting better (hopefully I don't jinx myself!) Maddy is an angel! She's smiling, coo'ing, she's totally in love with her mama! Such a mama's girl! ALWAYS wants to be in my arms. She's pretty colicy though but I think it's starting to go away. I will update more later but just wanted you to know that we are here, we're alive, and we are mostly happy! Here's a pic of our Maddy Bug!

Maddy Bug is here!

Madison Brielle arrived on March 23rd at 35 weeks exactly. She weighed 5lbs. 8oz. and was 18in. long. She was a little early so she has been in the NICU but is supposed to be coming home this weekend. She is so sweet and beautiful and perfect in every way. Her only issue has been a little bit of jaundice. So far she has only needed one day under the phototherapy lights but has been off for 2 days now and they are re-checking her levels over the next few days and then she can come home. I am on my phone but will post our birth story and tons of pictures when we are home!

I'm seriously freaking out a bit!

So... I'm getting more and more stressed by the day but my contractions seem to be slowing. I'm super happy about that but now I'm starting to think I'm going to be pregnant forever. The thought of being 40 weeks pregnant is scaring the hell out of me. My oldest was born at 39 weeks 3 days after 27 hours of labor because she was sunny side up. I was in so much pain from contractions right on top of each other AND back labor that if that happens again, I don't think I could go natural. Especially being exhausted like I was at 39 weeks. At 39 weeks, sleeping was just not happening. I literally got an hour a night! Being that pregnant and uncomfortable is scaring the hell out of me! I want a natural birth but at 39 or 40 weeks I feel I will be too dang tired to go natural. I KNOW the chances of me getting that far are VERY slim but I worry about everything under the sun and my mind is just racing with these thoughts. I seriously think my mind needs to just stop and take a break, take a breather and stop. But it won't listen to me!

I just need to vent...

We are staying with my grandma because we are moving and our place isn't quite ready to be moved into yet. (It SHOULD be ready by March 20th) Well I'm seriously about to lose it with her. All she does all day long is whine, bitch, moan and complain... Literally ALL DAY LONG! She give my oldest daughter special treatment and just ignores my other girls. Chris was making some dinner and my oldest is picky as hell (she lived with her father for awhile (my ex husband) and she always got her way) and so she won't even touch what we've made. Well I'm not about to cook two separate meals just because she doesn't even want to try her food. I told her she can have a bowl of cereal but I want her to at least TRY the food. She refuses and so my grandma starts making her chicken nuggets and basically tells her it's ok not to listen to me! UM HELLO?! I'm her MOTHER! On top of that my 19 year old drug addicted sister got kicked out of my mom's in Texas and so she's here too, sleeping on the couch. It doesn't matter that she has drugs laying around for my kids to just grab up! She's always been coddled by my grandma, ALWAYS! (My grandma raised us) She takes a shower and leaves her clothes and towels and bath mat down and the floor is soaked and my grandma just sits there and cleans it for her. But she just loses it when I forgot ONE TIME to pick the bath mat up off of the floor! My grandma also does all of her laundry and cleans the bedding off the couch. And my sister is sleeping at like 9:30pm every night and we go to bed at 11, sometimes midnight. Well since my sister is sleeping (probably passed out drunk) and we have to be church mice, can't do a damn thing and God forbid my 14 month old wakes up in the middle of the night. All hell breaks lose! I couldn't even make a bowl of popcorn because it would wake my sister up! I can't believe that anyone could have a family like this. I feel bad for Chris having to be here at all, even HE wants to say something but doesn't want us to get kicked out. I would just straight call the cops on my sister for leaving drugs around but if I do that, we have no where to go. I don't even want to think of what I'll do if one of my kids find her drugs, I don't think a dozen people are going to be able to pull me off of her. I am just so fed up and so done with my family. Chris is SO helpful here, always asking if he can do anything to help anyone, he goes out and rakes the leaves and mowes the yard so they don't have to. He cleans like crazy... Everything! And my grandma is SO rude to him that I can't even believe it. She talks down to him all the time and is always telling him off. I can't wait to get out of here, into our own place and seriously cut off all ties. I have seriously never seen such a horrid family. We went and visited Chris's family and they are all so nice, loving, helpful, caring... A REAL family. Mine just embarrass me and I am so much better without ANY of them!

On top of everything, with all this stress, I'm having a TON more contractions and I'm seriously just kissing the hopes of a full term baby goodbye.

32 weeks today - Not as happy as I thought I would be...

I am 32 weeks today and I just want this day to be over, I want to sleep right through it... It's really a taboo-deja vu day for me. 32 weeks on the dot is when I had my last baby... My 3lb. 6oz. little kitten (she was so tiny and her cries sounded like nothing more than a baby kitten crying)! I want this day to not exist, not be spoken of, just disappear! It's like everything is working against me keeping this baby in today... THIS is the ONE DAY that my grandma and I get into so bad we are screaming at each other, this is the day that my children are being so stubborn and awnry that I'm having to get out of bed to deal with them because they won't listen to my husband who is trying to deal with our 14 month old... I just want to sail smoothy through the rest of the day and have it be tomorrow already, one day further than I went in my last pregnancy! But now my midwife says it the REAL countdown, now Maddy can come at any point and we HAVE to be ready. How can you prepare to have another preemie?! HOW?! The thought of having another baby in the NICU is too painful to think about, I don't know if I will be as strong this time as I was with Sophie. Sophie was there for JUST under a month and that really took a toll on me, emotionally and physically. Now that this day is here, I'm already contracting, dilated and effacing... More pressure "down there" by the day from my growing girl and her growing noggin... I'm scared shitless! Two days ago is the day my water broke with Sophie and I was so excited to be past that and now this day is here and I'm so afraid for each coming day wondering, "Could this be the day?"

Just 3-4 more weeks and we are able to safely have our baby and she will probably be able to come home with us... Never has 3-4 more weeks seemed so far away until now.

Appointment Update!

So my appointment went... okay. My cervix is measuring 1.7cm which is quite a ways down from 2.4cm last week. My midwife decided to check me to see if I was dilated (I was closed when I left the hospital) and I'm a lose 1cm dilated (and her little noggin was right there!), 50% effaced and Maddy is at a -1 station. They aren't going to admit me to the hospital until there's a bigger change though so I am home (and very happy about that!). She thinks Maddy will be here in about 3 and a half weeks (I'll be 35 weeks then!) but doesn't see me going past 36. Hopefully we make it that long! They aren't doing anymore cervical length ultrasounds because I'm at the point in my pregnancy where you start to thin out anyways so they don't think anymore would really be that reliable as to what is really going on.

I have two big milestones this week alone! My first is tomorrow. Tomorrow is the point in my last pregnancy that my water broke! My next milestone is 32 weeks, which is Friday. 32 weeks exactly is when I had my last baby! It looks like we are going to sail right past those milestones thank goodness! We added a new milestone (well the doctors at the hospital did) and that is 34 weeks, then my 35 week milestone (when I had my 4 year old) and then we hit our 36 week milestone (again another doctor milestone), and then we are full term! I can't believe that we could have her in as soon as 3 and a half weeks! That is SO crazy! I can't believe I will be 35/35 that soon! WOW!

The other day we took all of Maddy's clothing out of the shipping packages and cut all the tags off... Took the swaddles out of their boxes and everything is ready for a good washing. I'm not sure WHEN to start washing though!I don't want to do it too soon but I don't want to put it off another few weeks and then go into labor with nothing washed. We only have a few more purchases that need to be done and they are a diaper bag, bassinet, more diapers, some more hats and socks, bibs, nursing sleep bra, and breast pads. Not a big list at all! We are still deciding on which diaper bag to get from Diapers.com but we decided on the bassinet we want. We are ordering from Diapers.com because I have $20 in credits to use. So when we figure out which diaper bag we are ordering it with the bassinet for free 2 day shipping and what not. ANYWAYS! Here's a pic of the bassinet we are getting!

We are home!

Due to my insurance not wanting to pay for my stay, we came home two days ago and let me tell you, it's been hell! The hospital is just awaiting my return! On Monday my cervical length showed that my cervix was 2.4cm which is .2cm up from my 2.2cm a week and a half before. My insurance thinks that's a great difference and declined payment for my stay. Good news is that Maddy's growth ultrasound showed she gained a whole pound in a week and a half! She weighs about 3lbs. 8oz.! My midwife and all the doctors at the hospital were sure that sending me home will just cause me to have more contractions because of the older girls and us being in a stressful situation with my grandparents and what not. Well, they were right!

I was up until 7am last night/this morning with contractions. Nothing regular but bad enough where I couldn't sleep and had to get out of bed like 30 times and try to relieve some pain by moving just a bit. At around 7am they slowed down a bit and weren't as intense so I was able to get some sleep. Still having a few an hour but they aren't half as bad as last night. I'm thinking I'll be going back to the hospital within the next day or two but don't want to go too soon because if I'm not changed much they won't keep me. I'm kind of at a point where I don't know WHEN to go in because I don't want to go in too soon but at the same time, I REALLY don't want to go too late to where they can't stop my contractions or a baby is on her way out! I'm hoping to wait until my cervical length ultrasound and midwife appointment on Tuesday but after last night I'm not totally sure that will happen.

We are still here!

still at the hospital, still pregnant, THANK GOD! Almost two weeks ago my cervical length scan showed that my cervix wasn't at 1.2cm anymore, it was at 2.2cm! Maddy's growth ultrasound showed that she weighed about 2lbs. 8oz. but was breach. Had a hard night last night... I had a severe headache, blurry vision, and severe cramping but my blood pressure was perfect. Madison's heart rate was in the 170s-190s for almost an hour too which REALLY scared me. They did an ultrasound today to make sure that she was doing ok and they checked several things (fluid, breathing, movement, cord, hands opening and closing, etc.). She passed EVERYTHING! Score was 8/8! It was so cute! She was practicing her breathing the WHOLE ultrasound and we got a little glimpse of her face (Chris took a pic with his phone) and she was moving her lips around and opening and closing her mouth. She looked SO beautiful! So of course, I'm showing her off!

Excuse me, you think I have what?

I need to vent... I think I may lose it! About 2 or 3 days after we arrived at the hospital I started developing a rash on my armpits all the way up to my elbows and all the way down my sides to my hips. Over the last few days I've developed very red itchy bumps and red splotches over several parts of my body. They had a dermatologist come in and take a look and they weren't sure what it was but started me on a steroid cream. That was 4 days ago... The steroid cream didn't work and things are getting worse, spreading, and becoming painful. They are now starting me on a fungal cream because "some" of the splotches look like ringworm. I was completely shocked, where the hell did I get ringworm?! By the minute though everything is becoming more painful and I'm waiting for the doctor to see if they can just do a biopsy instead of waiting for 3 days and then doing one if the cream doesn't work. I was up until 5am being itchy and in pain. UGH!

An update!

We are still at the hospital and we are here for the long haul, here until Maddy comes. We are trying to keep her in until at least 30 weeks, then it will be 32, then 34, then 36 and at 37 or 38 weeks we MIGHT be inducing. My contractions have completely stopped since I was on the mag for 24 hours and they gave me another pill to stop them. I'm still on Procardia, 20mg every 6 hours. I'm getting NSTs twice daily to make sure Maddy isn't stressed and suprisingly I've lost a pound since being here! Thought I would have gained with being in bed 24/7. I'm enrolled in "Bed Rest Bootcamp" and that gives me access to a laptop, board games, books, a daily massage, a daily 30 minute wheelchair ride, and a shower once a day haha They also have movies and I could learn to knit. Thinking about knitting Maddy a blanket.