Thursday, March 29, 2012

Maddy Bug is here!

Madison Brielle arrived on March 23rd at 35 weeks exactly. She weighed 5lbs. 8oz. and was 18in. long. She was a little early so she has been in the NICU but is supposed to be coming home this weekend. She is so sweet and beautiful and perfect in every way. Her only issue has been a little bit of jaundice. So far she has only needed one day under the phototherapy lights but has been off for 2 days now and they are re-checking her levels over the next few days and then she can come home. I am on my phone but will post our birth story and tons of pictures when we are home!

Monday, March 5, 2012

I'm seriously freaking out a bit!

So... I'm getting more and more stressed by the day but my contractions seem to be slowing. I'm super happy about that but now I'm starting to think I'm going to be pregnant forever. The thought of being 40 weeks pregnant is scaring the hell out of me. My oldest was born at 39 weeks 3 days after 27 hours of labor because she was sunny side up. I was in so much pain from contractions right on top of each other AND back labor that if that happens again, I don't think I could go natural. Especially being exhausted like I was at 39 weeks. At 39 weeks, sleeping was just not happening. I literally got an hour a night! Being that pregnant and uncomfortable is scaring the hell out of me! I want a natural birth but at 39 or 40 weeks I feel I will be too dang tired to go natural. I KNOW the chances of me getting that far are VERY slim but I worry about everything under the sun and my mind is just racing with these thoughts. I seriously think my mind needs to just stop and take a break, take a breather and stop. But it won't listen to me!

Sunday, March 4, 2012

I just need to vent...

We are staying with my grandma because we are moving and our place isn't quite ready to be moved into yet. (It SHOULD be ready by March 20th) Well I'm seriously about to lose it with her. All she does all day long is whine, bitch, moan and complain... Literally ALL DAY LONG! She give my oldest daughter special treatment and just ignores my other girls. Chris was making some dinner and my oldest is picky as hell (she lived with her father for awhile (my ex husband) and she always got her way) and so she won't even touch what we've made. Well I'm not about to cook two separate meals just because she doesn't even want to try her food. I told her she can have a bowl of cereal but I want her to at least TRY the food. She refuses and so my grandma starts making her chicken nuggets and basically tells her it's ok not to listen to me! UM HELLO?! I'm her MOTHER! On top of that my 19 year old drug addicted sister got kicked out of my mom's in Texas and so she's here too, sleeping on the couch. It doesn't matter that she has drugs laying around for my kids to just grab up! She's always been coddled by my grandma, ALWAYS! (My grandma raised us) She takes a shower and leaves her clothes and towels and bath mat down and the floor is soaked and my grandma just sits there and cleans it for her. But she just loses it when I forgot ONE TIME to pick the bath mat up off of the floor! My grandma also does all of her laundry and cleans the bedding off the couch. And my sister is sleeping at like 9:30pm every night and we go to bed at 11, sometimes midnight. Well since my sister is sleeping (probably passed out drunk) and we have to be church mice, can't do a damn thing and God forbid my 14 month old wakes up in the middle of the night. All hell breaks lose! I couldn't even make a bowl of popcorn because it would wake my sister up! I can't believe that anyone could have a family like this. I feel bad for Chris having to be here at all, even HE wants to say something but doesn't want us to get kicked out. I would just straight call the cops on my sister for leaving drugs around but if I do that, we have no where to go. I don't even want to think of what I'll do if one of my kids find her drugs, I don't think a dozen people are going to be able to pull me off of her. I am just so fed up and so done with my family. Chris is SO helpful here, always asking if he can do anything to help anyone, he goes out and rakes the leaves and mowes the yard so they don't have to. He cleans like crazy... Everything! And my grandma is SO rude to him that I can't even believe it. She talks down to him all the time and is always telling him off. I can't wait to get out of here, into our own place and seriously cut off all ties. I have seriously never seen such a horrid family. We went and visited Chris's family and they are all so nice, loving, helpful, caring... A REAL family. Mine just embarrass me and I am so much better without ANY of them!

On top of everything, with all this stress, I'm having a TON more contractions and I'm seriously just kissing the hopes of a full term baby goodbye.

Friday, March 2, 2012

32 weeks today - Not as happy as I thought I would be...

I am 32 weeks today and I just want this day to be over, I want to sleep right through it... It's really a taboo-deja vu day for me. 32 weeks on the dot is when I had my last baby... My 3lb. 6oz. little kitten (she was so tiny and her cries sounded like nothing more than a baby kitten crying)! I want this day to not exist, not be spoken of, just disappear! It's like everything is working against me keeping this baby in today... THIS is the ONE DAY that my grandma and I get into so bad we are screaming at each other, this is the day that my children are being so stubborn and awnry that I'm having to get out of bed to deal with them because they won't listen to my husband who is trying to deal with our 14 month old... I just want to sail smoothy through the rest of the day and have it be tomorrow already, one day further than I went in my last pregnancy! But now my midwife says it the REAL countdown, now Maddy can come at any point and we HAVE to be ready. How can you prepare to have another preemie?! HOW?! The thought of having another baby in the NICU is too painful to think about, I don't know if I will be as strong this time as I was with Sophie. Sophie was there for JUST under a month and that really took a toll on me, emotionally and physically. Now that this day is here, I'm already contracting, dilated and effacing... More pressure "down there" by the day from my growing girl and her growing noggin... I'm scared shitless! Two days ago is the day my water broke with Sophie and I was so excited to be past that and now this day is here and I'm so afraid for each coming day wondering, "Could this be the day?"

Just 3-4 more weeks and we are able to safely have our baby and she will probably be able to come home with us... Never has 3-4 more weeks seemed so far away until now.